Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
So am i just your go-to 'i found a tick on my penis' number?
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Randomize
