I wish life had little blips of pornography
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
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