The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
wearing the bible to the ABC party, thought you'd appreciate that.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
