Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if my college career had corporate sponsors, they would be natty light and aim toothpaste.
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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