So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
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