Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
