then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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