Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
You carved your initals into all my vitamins and said "now a small part of me will be in you every morning" before you fell asleep with my thong on your head.
Randomize
