I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
