I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
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