i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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