Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
