The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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