he was CRYING into my vagina
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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