Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
