so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
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