Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Do you think Ashley had her twin sister tag in for our date? The sex was different and I think a mole was missing
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