Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
we were sitting in the bathtub when she came in with her grandpas cane adn beat us until lindsay passed out
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
