Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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