Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
my poor anus
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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