wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
I've got my wine, though it wasnt very good so I threw a sour patch kid in it
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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