Apparently you make a good broom.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I feel so much closer to you now that I heard your poop splash into the toilet.
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
I just had a twenty minute discussion about endangered breed dog breeding with an Extremely drunk guy
So many questions...
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
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