someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
