I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
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