just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Front seat of an Escalade in a limo-service parking lot. That is all.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
