The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
