the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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