Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize