A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
she claims you yelled BOMBS AWAY when you came. tell me she's lying
but she didn't tell you i squeezed, built up pressure, and napalmed her face as i yelled it, did she
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
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