fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
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