U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I made him a flow chart of what to do if I got arrested.
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
Hey, Would it be ok if me and your wife have a ladies only night and masturbated on FaceTime together?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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