this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
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