With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
shattered his nose in 8 pieces. Blaming it on the dog. I feel more guilty about ruining the dog's good name than I do about ruining his nose.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
