I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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