My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
She has some nice fakeys. She is also an exotic entrepreneur.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
