I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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