NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
After an hour of searching for my pants, we had three people looking. They were finally found in the oven.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Well my parents know I get medical Cannabis they saw me on the news at the dispensary
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
