One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
