Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
OPIZZABONMYDICK
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize
