Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
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