How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
