apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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