I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
You are not answering and I think it is because you spent 80 dollars worth of drinks on you hot cousin.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
Randomize
