every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
Randomize