They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
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