Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
