I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
