my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
We discussed how the marijuana was making the dopamine float around our nucleus accumbens last night when we were high. Yet another example of how our science classes are perverting our good times.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
so much tequila, so little girl.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Randomize
