I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Randomize