This is some kinda fucked up sordid doggy brothel peepshow bullshit.
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
