too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
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