we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
