I'm looking for sex. Do you know her?
He asked if I wanted to blow his flute? Please call me and pretend there is a family emergency!!!
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
