"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
We're too hungover to prance.
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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