Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
dude my grandma just called my dealer. How does this shit happen to me
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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