Currently having a discussion about how bad cheating is with the girl im dating and the girl im fucking. This might be a sign that i need to reassess my life
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Randomize
