Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
So my OCD kicked in and I cleaned his kitchen. His roommates were so grateful, they tried to pay me in weed.
YOU ACCEPTED, RIGHT?
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
