Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
You said eat breakfast. So i poured Baileys on top of m&m's. It taste just like like cereal I swear.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
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