but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
i wish his balls had a scratch and sniff sticker elsewhere so i would know before i even went down there
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
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