Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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