My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
bad: friday night i tripped and fell outside my dorm. worse: i just found out i broke my ankle. worst: i was shitfaced and don't remember any of this.
Id love to say been there done that but im a slutty drunk not a stupid one.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Randomize
