Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
dude chill. we stole 18 hamburgers from her house
no. you cant fuck a burger.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
Randomize
