In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i can't believe i never thought of this: farticle man
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Because Kyle had a tattoo kit at his house and I wanted one and all he could draw was a mustache or a stickman on fire
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Randomize
