the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
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