Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
Kid got laid mid-party wearin a fuzzy hat with ears and 40's taped to his bear paws... wtf
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
I need a rain check on breakfast. A frat boy said it was his dream to sleep with a MILF, I made his dream come true and he made me cum
There is no way I’m wasting 21 year old morning wood
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