the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Just high enough for therapy.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
i'm the most scandalous girl at stop and shop. i kinda have to fuck him in the meat cooler.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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