why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Randomize
