What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
