He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You guys I wore sweatpants to work today because I simply forgot to put on real pants and I had a weed brownie and a juice box for breakfast. I am not ready for parenting.
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Randomize
